No Experience Necessary

So today, I went to The Companies Office to register the business name.  I know, right?

The Companies Office is a branch of the Manitoba Provincial Government, in fact, the offices for the Legislative Assembly are on the same floor in the Woodsworth Building. 

I arrived fairly early and I was the first one there.  The sign said to take a number so I did.  It was 67.  Then I stood there waiting for the staff to notice me or acknowledge my presence in some way.  The 5 ladies at the counter were busy chatting, so I waited.   Soon, the blonde one asked me if I was there to register a business name.

Yes.  

She then asked me a couple more questions and said she would assist me. 

Excellent.

Then, a young girl, wearing jeans and a hoodie  walked over, totally ignored (the only client in the whole office) me, proceeded to interrupt and give shit to the nice lady who had been helping me.  This went on at length, causing my nice lady to turn her chair completely around to pay attention to this unqualified, uneducated, casually dressed supervisor of some sort. 

Since I had some unexpected free time, I counted how many people were sitting at desks and gathered around not getting any work done.  17 plus me.

I used the remainder of my time to stare this young lady down and fantasize about which of my former employers would fire her unceremoniously for this unprofessional behaviour.  Obviously, she had never worked anywhere else in her life.  She had certainly never worked in hospitality or retail.  I even had enough time to imagine how each one of my sisters would deal with her.  

When she finally went away, my nice helper lady had to excuse herself to write down all the instructions she had been given. Afterwards, I told the nice lady that I was shocked. I wasn’t really. This kind of stuff happens all the time here in Winnipeg. I also said I would have fired that girl instantly if I could have.

That was when realized that the supervisor girl must be a relative of someone important. Maybe even Greg Selinger’s daughter or something.

Rather than waste more of my time filing a formal complaint on this beautiful day, I think I’ll call Caroline over at Birks and tell her what a great job she does.

No Virginia; There Is No Santa Claus – part 1

As most of you already know, I was recently involved in running my sister Jenny’s campaign for public office. More specifically, for City Councillor of Mynarski Ward here in Winnipeg. For the most part it was a lot of fun. We were generously supported by so many people. We met local voters with interesting stories and we tried to be helpful whenever we could. We built a small but powerful team of volunteers and we can never do enough to thank them.

However, one or two things that happened may have changed my view of the Canadian political arena for good. For starters, I had been warned by Conservatives about something called “THE NDP MACHINE”. Oooh. Scary! They told us scandalous stories of their cheatey tactics and unscrupulous behaviour, but I took no heed. Everyone knows Conservatives are all liars anyway. I would never listen to what they had to say. So there.

My opinion of the NDP (up until now) had been based in part, on the epic story of Mr. Tommy Douglas and the good T.V news reputation of one Ed Broadbent. Besides, I have met some NDPers personally, and they were very nice to me. Polite and everything. Who in their right mind could accuse the sweet boyscout like NDP of anything other than being the good guys? Yeah sure, they are sometimes badly dressed and rarely seem to get decent haircuts, but some kind of evil “MACHINE”? Well, I guess there was that Svend Robinson incident. You know, the shoplifting. But, come on! That’s hardly a “MACHINE”. It’s only one guy!

This “NDP MACHINE” they speak of, perhaps it is not the actual “people”, but a mind control device operated by some nefarious super-villian who has infiltrated their ranks? Maybe. Seems likely. The Anti-Douglas?

Throughout the campaign we heard from voters who had felt they had been affected by the “NDP MACHINE” and voters who were being pressured by their unions to vote for the NDP. We met countless new immigrants who told us (some with tears in their eyes) that they had been forced to allow an NDP sign in their yard or there would be “trouble” from the government. (What? What kind of trouble?) Surely, this is pure speculation.

I know, that as a former union member myself, I received a few calls from unions and the Labour Council instructing me who to vote for, but who listens to what their union has to say in these modern times? Anyone?

One lady, who happens to be disabled, called us crying after a brick came flying through her living room window. Well, that is pretty mean. That could definitely be the work of a super-villian with a “MACHINE”. Sure. Like a potato gun, but for bricks.

When we got to her house, she was a puddley mess and she told us that the man who she saw throw the brick, had condemned her for having a “Jenny” sign in her front yard and yelled to her that he was a “personal friend” of Ross Eadie’s. Huh? Legbreaker tactics? No…that’s still only one guy. (well, we’re up to 2 at this point, possibly a few more, but still, doesn’t amount to a hill o’beans) Anyway, she wound up calling all the different candidates to ask for signs so that she couldn’t be accused of favouring any one over any other. Solved.

Let’s pretend that all of those people overreacted. Yes, let’s.

Also, unbelievable but true, was the situation we ran into with Canada Post. Since we had a limited number of bodies on our election team, we made the fateful decision to have our brochures delivered by Canada Post. Even though it was very expensive, we decided that it would be money well spent. We felt that this was the most efficient way to ensure that every household in the ward had an introduction to our candidate. Again, we were warned by certain members of the Conservative Party, that Canada Post was not to be trusted with political mail. They are part of the “MACHINE”!
Woooooo! The “NDP MACHINE”!

“Hogwash!” we said.

We mailed our leaflets and carried on with the business of electioneering, knocking on door after door in neighbourhood after neighbourhood.

We soon found that very few households had received our mailer. It seemed like entire areas had not had it delivered. Too many to ignore.

Odd. Geez. We mailed it…

On one such street, Redwood Avenue, we happened upon a mailman who we stopped. We showed him the bright pink mailer and asked him if he had seen it or remembered delivering it. He told us that he had seen it at the depot, but it had never made it to his mailbox and he had not delivered it. When we pressed him for more details, he told us that it was most likely delivered, but by another mailman “on a day when he was away sick”. Hmmm. Could it be that he was….(heee)….lying?

A while later, in another neighbourhood, Jenny asked another mailman if he had been the one to deliver the mail during the week that our mailer was scheduled to be delivered. He said that he had and in fact, had delivered the mail every single day that week. So, she showed him the pink brochure. The mailman abruptly changed his mind about having worked that week and decided that he had “been on holidays”.

Then a former Canada Post employee informed us that for the 25 years that she had been a sorter, it was always common practice to delay delivery of all non-NDP political mail. No! That can’t be true! Oh how naive we had been! Such blind faith!

She went on to describe to us how it was done. (I’ll save those details in case I am called to testify in court) She also told us that often, they would “accidentally” deliver political flyers to the wrong ridings. Or deliver them long after the election. Then she gently mocked us for thinking that our brochure would be delivered by Canada Post when we were running such an obviously non-NDP affiliated campaign. After all, Canada Post employees are all part of a very NDP friendly and powerful union.

“But it’s the Queen’s mail!

At that point we began to think that the evil Stephen Harper may have had good reason (for once) when he threatened to dismantle and privatize Canada Post. They do appear to be controlled by the “NDP MACHINE”. Perhaps Svend Robinson really is behind this so-called “MACHINE”, well, then you know, there’s no telling how far he’d go or what he’s really capable of. After all, he is a known shoplifter.

So, we thought about it for a bit, had a heated debate amongst the team and then we called the PMO to tell on them.

Surprisingly, we did get some action from that phone call. That action trickled right on down to the Canada Post outlet in Winnipeg on Mountain Avenue pretty quickly. Wow. Not bad.

When the post office did call us back, all they offered was a discount of $100.00 on our next mail out. Pfft. Lame.

Screw them, we sent Daddy. As expected, Daddy explained things to them very carefully and very loudly. He talked about the legalities and how much he wanted to call the RCMP and the probable loss of their jobs and possible jail time and everything else they could look forward to. Our next mailer was delivered to every single house in the whole ward and all on the same day. Nice.

Moral of the story, never send a Conservative Prime Minister to do the job of an angry father.

To be continued…

More Bunk Bike Lanes? Why?

Some yahoo at city hall thinks they are going to score points by spending a shitload of my tax dollars on more bike lanes. But this time they will be on Pembina Highway of all places.

Sakes anyways! We’ve been over this!

These crap Winnipeg style bike lanes are so dangerous. I am starting to think the goal is not to make for safer cycling, but to eradicate any and all cyclists within the City of Winnipeg.

It’s no secret that Winnipeggers have always hated cyclists. For those of you from more civilized places like Medicine Hat or Dauphin; Winnipeg has the most ridiculous bike ridership in all the land. I usually hesitate before I refer to any of them as “cyclists”.

All winter, you’ll see idiots on their bikes sliding on icy roads and trying to force their bikes through deep snow on all the main drags. It actually gets even better than that. We’ll have one bum pedaling a bike with another bum on the handlebars while balancing a two-four through the snow right down Main St. at rush hour. Hell, we get bums in stolen wheelchairs balancing other bums with a two-four down the middle of Main at rush hour! Last summer, I saw a bum being pushed across the street in a baby stroller with a two-four of beer!

Pembina has got to be one of the stupidest streets to have a bike lane other than say, Bishop Grandin or the Perimiter. We have too many accidents on Pembina as it is! It’s loaded with potholes that seem to get bigger all the time. What about the underpass? How can you expect some poor sap to make it down Pembina on a bike of all things?

Look at the ones they put in last year, they’re terrible! As I have already said, if you don’t have a helicopter to drop you and your bike onto the road, you can’t get to the bike lane! And then it just ends!

Wait a minute…… didn’t I hear on the news that the City is buying a new helicopter? That must be what its for! Of course.

OK then, it might be starting to make sense. If they use the new helicopter to transport the cyclists to the designated bike lanes, then fine. Go ahead I guess. Seems pretty expensive. How will we contact the chopper pilot when we wanna go for a bike ride? Do we just call 311?

I don’t see why we couldn’t have the bike lanes on the streets adjacent to the busy streets, but OK. Whatever, you guys at city hall are the ones who know about these things, not me.

Prime Minister’s Pants Officially On Fire

Without question, Stephen Harper resembles Nelson Muntz as he bullies his way around The Canadian Government.

He stomps around Ottawa shaking his fist at everyone that he has control over and then demands that they stay quiet. And just like any bully, he runs away the minute he is confronted.

In a move that is highly reminiscent of a schoolyard lunch money shakedown, Harper has once again convinced The Governor General to do his bidding and not to tell.

In a “private” telephone call, Michaelle Jean was convinced, again, to prorogue Parliament. He called her on the phone? Seriously…

I seem to recall last time it was such a big deal that Harper was practically in tears begging the Governor General to please please please, meet with him so that he could ask her to suspend Parliament so he could have more time to save his ass. Now, he thinks it is no big deal and he’ll just give her a quick phone call to set it up.

pfft.

Even though the Conservatives claim that proroguing Parliament is common practice, it really isn’t. Harper is the only Prime Minister to ever suspend Parliament in this manner and for these bullshit reasons. It is actually highly unusual for this to go on unless the Parliamentary agenda is complete. In other words, it’s not really meant to be used in lieu of a fake sick note.

The Conservatives are also pretending that there are routinely 6 or 7 throne speeches in a 4 year term. No there are not. Try 3 or 4, max.

Harper claims that he is doing this in order to fix the Canadian economy. Really?!? Let me ask this then; who exactly will be “fixing” our economy if nobody is going in to work?

Once again, I call bullshit.

So now he leaves us with no Government in session throughout the entire Olympic Games when visitors and who knows who else will be converging on us from every country in the known world. What that means to us Dear Reader, is that if something does go down, Harper will be making all the decisions alone and unsupervised. Terrific.

The Queen can call Parliament back any time she wants, and I think that she should totally do just that. If he were my kid, I’d never let him get away with this.

Gross Howard Johnson Location Finally Gets Shut Down

FINALLY!!!

This place is a complete and utter dump! If you have ever had the chance to enter this hellhole, you know that I am not exaggerating.

The Howard Johnson on Ellice Ave in Winnipeg is one of the hotels routinely used to house the people who are flown in to the city from northern reserves for medical treatment. The entire bill is covered by the Government and includes the cost of the room and 3 room service meals a day. The times that I have been in there, the place was fairly full. Not a bad deal for the hotel owner.

I have visited guests there several times and there is no way to ignore the filth, grime and complete lack of giving a shit that goes on in that place.

First, you will see the 5 – 10 dish bins in the middle of the floor in the front lobby catching drips from the ceiling. Next, you will see 3 or 4 black garbage bags (full of course) in every corner of every hallway. The elevator smells disgusting and is really, really grimy and greasy.

Upstairs, you will notice the piled up dirty dishes and trays of rotting food outside of virtually every door. Beautiful…

Inside the room of the guest that I visited, every surface was covered in old food, dirty dishes and garbage. Before you come down on the guest, you should know that this person was blind and in a wheelchair. That’s right, in town for medical treatment. Also, this person’s door did not lock properly either and other random “guests” were wandering in and out at odd times.

Super Creepy.

I asked this person why the room was in such a state and I was informed that the hotel only offers once a week housekeeping.

Yes of course, get a government contract and eliminate the majority of your staff. Ch-Ching!

Well, at least the Health Inspector had the good sense to shut it down.

Dangerous Link Scares Prairie Housewife

Imagine my surprise this morning when I checked my blog stats and discovered that all the recent hits were from some conservative website that had posted a link to my yesterday Ignatieff blog. Well, just so we’re all on the same page here, I haven’t jumped the fence quite yet.

It is almost too easy to poke fun at the guy who has single handedly kept the v-neck sweater industry afloat for the past 5 years. I probably didn’t have to surf the official Conservative website for material, but I did and came away fullfilled.

I guess the Harper camp got a little freaked out by Ignatieff’s intimidating credentials. Who can blame them? After all, Ignatieff is a well educated, successful cosmopolite (that means citizen of the world, for all you youngsters out there who haven’t read Damon Runyon).

In some sort of weak effort to compete, the Conservatives have come up with a bunch of choice bits about Harper being smart too and a really good Canadian. I couldn’t stop laughing. Seriously.

Let’s do a comparison:

So where Ignatieff is a scholar who has authored 17 books, Harper has “a large library of Hockey books” and is working on a Hockey Book of his own. Then they throw in a point about him having attended the Brier and being an avid curling fan. Who gives a shit about literature when you’ve got hockey? Curling fans have long been praised for their rational insight into foreign policy.

Ignatieff taught at several prominent universities and Harper was on “Reach For The Top”.

Ignatieff has been a well known BBC personality and had his own London based show for the CBC, and Harper (and I’m quoting here)(I swear to God, I am not making this up) Harper “had his own paper routes in Leaside and Etobicoke”.

Harper is a Blue Rodeo fan and has a Fleetwood Mac album on vinyl. He also (quoting again) “participates in karaoke”.

Who voted for this guy? I want names. Canadians, I am deeply ashamed of you. Sure, he sends us a hundred bucks every month, but is it worth it? He also turned 24 Sussex Dr. into a foster home for baby kitties. and I hate cats, especially my cats. The orange one, mainly.

Bunk Bike Lane Continues!

Driving down King St. today, traffic was jammed so I turned off, and VOILA, the bike lane reappeared!

I put some thought into it and I think I figured out how it works. You must somehow materialize on your bike at Princess and Logan in the left hand lane. Ride merrily along for 3 blocks, then shimmy over to the right hand lane at Bannatyne and Princess so that you’ll be able to turn right on Bannatyne. Otherwise, you wind up trapped in the danger zone at Princess and McDermot. The best way I can think of to make this possible during rush hour, is to do it like that bike scene in E.T. where they all ride their bikes over the cars.

If you do make it to Bannatyne, the bike lane continues in the middle of the center driving lane and the right hand lane. When I went down there today at about 4 o’clock, there were quite a few cars either blocking the bike lane, driving in the bike lane or inching into the bike lane from their parking spots. So the message here is that you can get from Princess and Logan to Health Science Center on your bike, but be really, really careful.