Vinnie & Twy

Posts Tagged ‘bike lanes’

More Bunk Bike Lanes? Why?

In Bullshit Winnipeg on February 9, 2010 at 11:01 pm

Some yahoo at city hall thinks they are going to score points by spending a shitload of my tax dollars on more bike lanes. But this time they will be on Pembina Highway of all places.

Sakes anyways! We’ve been over this!

These crap Winnipeg style bike lanes are so dangerous. I am starting to think the goal is not to make for safer cycling, but to eradicate any and all cyclists within the City of Winnipeg.

It’s no secret that Winnipeggers have always hated cyclists. For those of you from more civilized places like Medicine Hat or Dauphin; Winnipeg has the most ridiculous bike ridership in all the land. I usually hesitate before I refer to any of them as “cyclists”.

All winter, you’ll see idiots on their bikes sliding on icy roads and trying to force their bikes through deep snow on all the main drags. It actually gets even better than that. We’ll have one bum pedaling a bike with another bum on the handlebars while balancing a two-four through the snow right down Main St. at rush hour. Hell, we get bums in stolen wheelchairs balancing other bums with a two-four down the middle of Main at rush hour! Last summer, I saw a bum being pushed across the street in a baby stroller with a two-four of beer!

Pembina has got to be one of the stupidest streets to have a bike lane other than say, Bishop Grandin or the Perimiter. We have too many accidents on Pembina as it is! It’s loaded with potholes that seem to get bigger all the time. What about the underpass? How can you expect some poor sap to make it down Pembina on a bike of all things?

Look at the ones they put in last year, they’re terrible! As I have already said, if you don’t have a helicopter to drop you and your bike onto the road, you can’t get to the bike lane! And then it just ends!

Wait a minute…… didn’t I hear on the news that the City is buying a new helicopter? That must be what its for! Of course.

OK then, it might be starting to make sense. If they use the new helicopter to transport the cyclists to the designated bike lanes, then fine. Go ahead I guess. Seems pretty expensive. How will we contact the chopper pilot when we wanna go for a bike ride? Do we just call 311?

I don’t see why we couldn’t have the bike lanes on the streets adjacent to the busy streets, but OK. Whatever, you guys at city hall are the ones who know about these things, not me.

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Bunk Bike Lane Continues!

In bitching, Bullshit Winnipeg on September 22, 2009 at 11:58 pm

mini-BikeCrashSign

Driving down King St. today, traffic was jammed so I turned off, and VOILA, the bike lane reappeared!

I put some thought into it and I think I figured out how it works. You must somehow materialize on your bike at Princess and Logan in the left hand lane. Ride merrily along for 3 blocks, then shimmy over to the right hand lane at Bannatyne and Princess so that you’ll be able to turn right on Bannatyne. Otherwise, you wind up trapped in the danger zone at Princess and McDermot. The best way I can think of to make this possible during rush hour, is to do it like that bike scene in E.T. where they all ride their bikes over the cars.

If you do make it to Bannatyne, the bike lane continues in the middle of the center driving lane and the right hand lane. When I went down there today at about 4 o’clock, there were quite a few cars either blocking the bike lane, driving in the bike lane or inching into the bike lane from their parking spots. So the message here is that you can get from Princess and Logan to Health Science Center on your bike, but be really, really careful.

Bunk Bike Lane

In Bullshit Winnipeg on September 21, 2009 at 10:24 pm

BikeLane

I keep wondering if there are hidden cameras on the new bike lane in downtown Winnipeg. It has to have been set up for some sort of sketch comedy or reality show. There is no way that it’s for real. If it’s not for a comedy show, then it must have been devised as a way to get rid of those pesky cyclists.

It all starts very suddenly at the corner of Princess and Logan. I laugh out loud every time I drive past it.

Picture yourself happily riding your bike to work in the right hand lane, when a bike lane magically appears on the opposite side of the street. Oh how nice! You scoonch over to the other side, avoiding rush hour traffic to arrive safely in the new bike lane and continue on your merry way. 4 or 5 blocks later, with no warning whatsoever, the bike lane comes to an abrupt halt and you are trapped on the left side of the intersection at McDermot and Princess. AAAAAAAAAA! Where do you go? What do you do? All the cars that are now in the same lane as you, are turning left, parked cars in front of you and all you can do is hop up onto the sidewalk and wait for the light to change so that you can cross the street and go back to the right hand side of the street from whence you came.

Too funny.