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Posts Tagged ‘rants’

No Experience Necessary

In Uncategorized on June 1, 2012 at 10:32 am

So today, I went to The Companies Office to register the business name.  I know, right?

The Companies Office is a branch of the Manitoba Provincial Government, in fact, the offices for the Legislative Assembly are on the same floor in the Woodsworth Building. 

I arrived fairly early and I was the first one there.  The sign said to take a number so I did.  It was 67.  Then I stood there waiting for the staff to notice me or acknowledge my presence in some way.  The 5 ladies at the counter were busy chatting, so I waited.   Soon, the blonde one asked me if I was there to register a business name.

Yes.  

She then asked me a couple more questions and said she would assist me. 

Excellent.

Then, a young girl, wearing jeans and a hoodie  walked over, totally ignored (the only client in the whole office) me, proceeded to interrupt and give shit to the nice lady who had been helping me.  This went on at length, causing my nice lady to turn her chair completely around to pay attention to this unqualified, uneducated, casually dressed supervisor of some sort. 

Since I had some unexpected free time, I counted how many people were sitting at desks and gathered around not getting any work done.  17 plus me.

I used the remainder of my time to stare this young lady down and fantasize about which of my former employers would fire her unceremoniously for this unprofessional behaviour.  Obviously, she had never worked anywhere else in her life.  She had certainly never worked in hospitality or retail.  I even had enough time to imagine how each one of my sisters would deal with her.  

When she finally went away, my nice helper lady had to excuse herself to write down all the instructions she had been given. Afterwards, I told the nice lady that I was shocked. I wasn’t really. This kind of stuff happens all the time here in Winnipeg. I also said I would have fired that girl instantly if I could have.

That was when realized that the supervisor girl must be a relative of someone important. Maybe even Greg Selinger’s daughter or something.

Rather than waste more of my time filing a formal complaint on this beautiful day, I think I’ll call Caroline over at Birks and tell her what a great job she does.

It’s Not Rocket Science Just Mark Your X

In Canadian Federal Election 2011, Canadian politics, Uncategorized on April 14, 2011 at 10:29 am

Kids, kids, kids….

When they told you at school that voting was a privilege, a right and your duty. You know, the way to have your say in how this country is run. They were actually not joking. It wasn’t an exaggeration or some fancy newspeak way of tricking you.

It’s great that lots of you have paid enough attention to be worried about the state of Canada. It’s even more great that you guys have bothered to speak out all over this vast internet via facebook and youtube. A+. Excellent. Good job making viral videos and this nifty website called shitharperdid.com. Super pleased.

However; we have a serious problem. There is another movement going on that has gathered way too much steam. Boycott The Federal Election is a completely dumb idea (Dave, I mean you too even though you are totally NOT a kid anymore). Not voting because someone you have never met doesn’t think the way you do, is not going to be a very effective way of making them think your same kind of thoughts.

I will tell you a sneaky way to exchange ideas with other people that actually works. Try talking to them. Hell, it even works on people who are old and people who are rich. I’ve tried it many times and man is it ever cool. You can even use it on politicians.

Here are some general instructions:

Step 1. Using your GOOGLE machine, attempt to find the local contact info for a Canadian political party in your vicinity.

Step 2. If you happen to have a CELL PHONE or an ORDINARY PHONE, dial the number provided by GOOGLE. If someone answers the telephone, tell that person that you are interested in getting involved in politics and you would like to find out more about their party and what they stand for. Chances are that person will say GREAT!!! and proceed to start a conversation with you. If that conversation goes well, you might go to their geographical location to meet those people and see if you like them.

**helpful hint…if you go and meet those people and discover that you can’t stand them because they seem crazy; (and this can happen. Hey, it’s a risk you take whenever you put yourself out there) By all means, run away. Do not FREAK OUT. Simply repeat step 2.**

You should now be able to cast your ballot with confidence. Steps 3 – 5 are only for those who have extra time on their hands and/or feel that we could all benefit from their revolutionary ideas.

Step 3. Once you have discovered a group of people who seem somewhat reasonable to you, start hanging out with them. This will allow you the opportunity to spread your smart ideas and impress others with your wit and charm.

Step 4. Help out, get to know the candidates and then you will know who to vote for.

Step 5. If you still can’t bring yourself to vote for anyone, become a candidate yourself or if you get really desperate; start your own political party. That’s what Tommy Douglas did. How do you think we got The Green Party and The Pirate Party? No, it’s not easy, but it’s totally allowed.

As far as joining an existing party, shit, that’s super easy! They actually want you to! They will be all smiley and everything when you show up! They especially love it when smart young people show up at their office!

Put your money where your mouth is kids. Don’t leave politics to the losers and the wingnuts. If you care about how you live and how your neighbours live, go out and vote.

Never forget this; the wingnuts always vote and they always vote for other wingnuts.

No Virginia; There Is No Santa Claus – part 1

In bitching, Bullshit Winnipeg, Canadian politics, Stupid Losers, Uncategorized on November 19, 2010 at 9:12 pm

As most of you already know, I was recently involved in running my sister Jenny’s campaign for public office. More specifically, for City Councillor of Mynarski Ward here in Winnipeg. For the most part it was a lot of fun. We were generously supported by so many people. We met local voters with interesting stories and we tried to be helpful whenever we could. We built a small but powerful team of volunteers and we can never do enough to thank them.

However, one or two things that happened may have changed my view of the Canadian political arena for good. For starters, I had been warned by Conservatives about something called “THE NDP MACHINE”. Oooh. Scary! They told us scandalous stories of their cheatey tactics and unscrupulous behaviour, but I took no heed. Everyone knows Conservatives are all liars anyway. I would never listen to what they had to say. So there.

My opinion of the NDP (up until now) had been based in part, on the epic story of Mr. Tommy Douglas and the good T.V news reputation of one Ed Broadbent. Besides, I have met some NDPers personally, and they were very nice to me. Polite and everything. Who in their right mind could accuse the sweet boyscout like NDP of anything other than being the good guys? Yeah sure, they are sometimes badly dressed and rarely seem to get decent haircuts, but some kind of evil “MACHINE”? Well, I guess there was that Svend Robinson incident. You know, the shoplifting. But, come on! That’s hardly a “MACHINE”. It’s only one guy!

This “NDP MACHINE” they speak of, perhaps it is not the actual “people”, but a mind control device operated by some nefarious super-villian who has infiltrated their ranks? Maybe. Seems likely. The Anti-Douglas?

Throughout the campaign we heard from voters who had felt they had been affected by the “NDP MACHINE” and voters who were being pressured by their unions to vote for the NDP. We met countless new immigrants who told us (some with tears in their eyes) that they had been forced to allow an NDP sign in their yard or there would be “trouble” from the government. (What? What kind of trouble?) Surely, this is pure speculation.

I know, that as a former union member myself, I received a few calls from unions and the Labour Council instructing me who to vote for, but who listens to what their union has to say in these modern times? Anyone?

One lady, who happens to be disabled, called us crying after a brick came flying through her living room window. Well, that is pretty mean. That could definitely be the work of a super-villian with a “MACHINE”. Sure. Like a potato gun, but for bricks.

When we got to her house, she was a puddley mess and she told us that the man who she saw throw the brick, had condemned her for having a “Jenny” sign in her front yard and yelled to her that he was a “personal friend” of Ross Eadie’s. Huh? Legbreaker tactics? No…that’s still only one guy. (well, we’re up to 2 at this point, possibly a few more, but still, doesn’t amount to a hill o’beans) Anyway, she wound up calling all the different candidates to ask for signs so that she couldn’t be accused of favouring any one over any other. Solved.

Let’s pretend that all of those people overreacted. Yes, let’s.

Also, unbelievable but true, was the situation we ran into with Canada Post. Since we had a limited number of bodies on our election team, we made the fateful decision to have our brochures delivered by Canada Post. Even though it was very expensive, we decided that it would be money well spent. We felt that this was the most efficient way to ensure that every household in the ward had an introduction to our candidate. Again, we were warned by certain members of the Conservative Party, that Canada Post was not to be trusted with political mail. They are part of the “MACHINE”!
Woooooo! The “NDP MACHINE”!

“Hogwash!” we said.

We mailed our leaflets and carried on with the business of electioneering, knocking on door after door in neighbourhood after neighbourhood.

We soon found that very few households had received our mailer. It seemed like entire areas had not had it delivered. Too many to ignore.

Odd. Geez. We mailed it…

On one such street, Redwood Avenue, we happened upon a mailman who we stopped. We showed him the bright pink mailer and asked him if he had seen it or remembered delivering it. He told us that he had seen it at the depot, but it had never made it to his mailbox and he had not delivered it. When we pressed him for more details, he told us that it was most likely delivered, but by another mailman “on a day when he was away sick”. Hmmm. Could it be that he was….(heee)….lying?

A while later, in another neighbourhood, Jenny asked another mailman if he had been the one to deliver the mail during the week that our mailer was scheduled to be delivered. He said that he had and in fact, had delivered the mail every single day that week. So, she showed him the pink brochure. The mailman abruptly changed his mind about having worked that week and decided that he had “been on holidays”.

Then a former Canada Post employee informed us that for the 25 years that she had been a sorter, it was always common practice to delay delivery of all non-NDP political mail. No! That can’t be true! Oh how naive we had been! Such blind faith!

She went on to describe to us how it was done. (I’ll save those details in case I am called to testify in court) She also told us that often, they would “accidentally” deliver political flyers to the wrong ridings. Or deliver them long after the election. Then she gently mocked us for thinking that our brochure would be delivered by Canada Post when we were running such an obviously non-NDP affiliated campaign. After all, Canada Post employees are all part of a very NDP friendly and powerful union.

“But it’s the Queen’s mail!

At that point we began to think that the evil Stephen Harper may have had good reason (for once) when he threatened to dismantle and privatize Canada Post. They do appear to be controlled by the “NDP MACHINE”. Perhaps Svend Robinson really is behind this so-called “MACHINE”, well, then you know, there’s no telling how far he’d go or what he’s really capable of. After all, he is a known shoplifter.

So, we thought about it for a bit, had a heated debate amongst the team and then we called the PMO to tell on them.

Surprisingly, we did get some action from that phone call. That action trickled right on down to the Canada Post outlet in Winnipeg on Mountain Avenue pretty quickly. Wow. Not bad.

When the post office did call us back, all they offered was a discount of $100.00 on our next mail out. Pfft. Lame.

Screw them, we sent Daddy. As expected, Daddy explained things to them very carefully and very loudly. He talked about the legalities and how much he wanted to call the RCMP and the probable loss of their jobs and possible jail time and everything else they could look forward to. Our next mailer was delivered to every single house in the whole ward and all on the same day. Nice.

Moral of the story, never send a Conservative Prime Minister to do the job of an angry father.

To be continued…

Surprise Left Hook From Ignatieff

In Canadian politics on January 6, 2010 at 7:19 pm


It seems like Santa was generous and brought Michael Ignatieff a big bag of guts for Christmas.

For his final performance of 2009, The Prime Minister of Canada, Stephen Harper, blatantly spat in the eye of democracy and called the Governor General to request that Parliament be suspended until after the Vancouver 2010 Olympics. By doing so, he has managed to make the proroguing of Parliament into a “routine” occurrence and prevented himself from being deposed for a second time!!!!!!!

barf barf barf

So, with the whole country outraged after Prime Minister Harper had the audacity to make that phone call, Opposition Leader Michael Ignatieff made a few phone calls of his own yesterday.

According to the Toronto Star, Michael Ignatieff conferred with his 76 MPs (among others).

So now The Liberals, The NDP and The Bloc, have all agreed to ignore the bully and show up for work the day that Parliament was originally scheduled to resume. Hmmm, looks like everyone will be there except for Harper and his gang of Neo-Conservatives.

I for one am pointing my finger and saying, HA HA HA!

Mr. Ignatieff has made it clear that he has no intention of forming some sort of rogue Parliament (even though that would be perfectly understandable given the circumstances)
( Daddy said that it’s fitting for Ignatieff to be anti-rogue when Harper is so PRO-ROGUE! haha. get it?).
That would be rude and Canada, after all, is known for good manners.

Smacks of some Old Tymey Liberal Leadership to me.

In the meantime, Harper is stamping his feet because he doesn’t think it’s fair for the Liberals to hold an online contest challenging Canadians to come up with an automatic “out of office” reply for him while he’s away until March 3.

Try not to be so lame Stephen, contests are cool.

Maybe Harper will start to get the message that he answers to US and not the other way around. All this bullshit about not allowing his MPs to speak to the press, his mudslinging tactics and his refusal to answer questions has blown up in his face as it should.

He can’t just take his ball and go home because it’s not his ball; it’s ours.

Prime Minister’s Pants Officially On Fire

In bitching, Canadian politics, Uncategorized on January 4, 2010 at 4:11 pm

Without question, Stephen Harper resembles Nelson Muntz as he bullies his way around The Canadian Government.

He stomps around Ottawa shaking his fist at everyone that he has control over and then demands that they stay quiet. And just like any bully, he runs away the minute he is confronted.

In a move that is highly reminiscent of a schoolyard lunch money shakedown, Harper has once again convinced The Governor General to do his bidding and not to tell.

In a “private” telephone call, Michaelle Jean was convinced, again, to prorogue Parliament. He called her on the phone? Seriously…

I seem to recall last time it was such a big deal that Harper was practically in tears begging the Governor General to please please please, meet with him so that he could ask her to suspend Parliament so he could have more time to save his ass. Now, he thinks it is no big deal and he’ll just give her a quick phone call to set it up.

pfft.

Even though the Conservatives claim that proroguing Parliament is common practice, it really isn’t. Harper is the only Prime Minister to ever suspend Parliament in this manner and for these bullshit reasons. It is actually highly unusual for this to go on unless the Parliamentary agenda is complete. In other words, it’s not really meant to be used in lieu of a fake sick note.

The Conservatives are also pretending that there are routinely 6 or 7 throne speeches in a 4 year term. No there are not. Try 3 or 4, max.

Harper claims that he is doing this in order to fix the Canadian economy. Really?!? Let me ask this then; who exactly will be “fixing” our economy if nobody is going in to work?

Once again, I call bullshit.

So now he leaves us with no Government in session throughout the entire Olympic Games when visitors and who knows who else will be converging on us from every country in the known world. What that means to us Dear Reader, is that if something does go down, Harper will be making all the decisions alone and unsupervised. Terrific.

The Queen can call Parliament back any time she wants, and I think that she should totally do just that. If he were my kid, I’d never let him get away with this.

How I Saved 15 Bucks At The Calgary Airport

In bitching, Calgary on November 25, 2009 at 1:15 pm

If you’ve taken an airplane anywhere in the last 6 or 7 years, then you know all about the new security measures. I remember the first time I saw airport security confiscating all the make-up, lotion and lighters from unsuspecting travelers and throwing it all into huge rubbermaid bins. Pretty funny.

Shortly after that fiasco, someone decided that it would be just as secure to give everyone a ziplock bag instead. I think those must be some special bombproof ziplocks, right?

So this time, I was very careful to safely store all of my girly products in the ziplock bag as instructed. I made sure all my pockets were empty, and went through.

Excuse me, is this your purse?

Yes.

We need to search it.

Awesome. Delayed because I had stupidly placed the ziplock security bag inside the purse.

On the way back, I was extremely careful not to make that mistake again. I de-packed my purse and emptied my pockets and made sure to leave the ziplock bag near the purse, but not in the purse.

Security was backed up for miles and my carry on items were really starting to weigh me down and I was getting crankier by the second.

Finally, my turn.

I put my purse and ziplock bag in the tray with my other bag beside it and started to walk through the beepy thing.

Remove your jacket.

Why? I don’t want to and my pockets are empty.

Fine.

I took off my jacket and jammed it into the tray. I walked through the whatever machine and I beeped. Shit.

Have a seat.

?

We need your shoes.

?

They x-ray my shoes and perform a thorough search of my socks. All the while, I am being mocked by the 2 guys behind me. Great. Totally humiliating, but just hurry up and get it over with.

And then…

Excuse me, is this your purse?

Yes.

We need to search it.

Good Lord, why this time? I was so careful!!!

What’s this?

It’s my purse screwdriver. I need it in case something gets broken. Duh.

They took it. Whatever, let’s just go.

Now I am in a shitty mood and my shoulder hurts from holding these stupid bags for too long.

As I meander along, I see the coolest thing ever. A bag that squishes up super small, but when you unfold it, it’s nice and big, but not too big, and it has pop out wheels. Only 15 bucks. Mint!

Excuse me, what does this one look like opened up?

Nodding her head, she says yes, grinning from ear to ear and not understanding a word of English. Then she wanders off.

Um, OK. That’s fine. I probably don’t really need it that bad anyway. I’ll just carry this stuff.

Things Are Different Now. But Are They Better?

In bitching, Canadian politics, Uncategorized on November 24, 2009 at 11:45 pm

Remember way back a long, long time ago? Me too.

The first time I drove through Calgary was so long ago that I can’t remember anything about it except the Pink Elephant popcorn.

I blew through there again in the mid eighties and it was a very small shithole of a city. The only thing going for it was the zoo. Things pretty much stayed that way for years.

Then Calgary grew, and it became more and more annoying to me every time I drove from Vancouver to Winnipeg. I always thought of it as the place where the Trans Canada Highway slowed down to 50k/hr.

I was there on a visit last week and I can tell you that it has really grown since the last time I paid any real attention to it. The whole city looks bran spankin’ new. Too bad it’s all the same and all the same colour. Beige, beige and more beige. Beige grass, no trees and tumbleweedy as ever.

How was my visit? Thanks for asking, I’ll tell you all about it.

First thing I noticed was that someone had the brilliant idea to give all the new streets the same name. Cool.

So picture me driving around, trying to find my way back from sev, I go down Cooper’s Gate, turn left on Cooper’s Drive, past Cooper’s Way, Cooper’s Street, Cooper’s Blvd and Cooper’s Trail. Awesome.

What’s your address? 123 Cooper’s. Great should have no trouble finding it.

Calgarians tried to tell me that they have alot of trees, but I could tell they were lying and not just mistaken. They are so close to Banff that they have all seen trees and must know what they look like. The other thing missing was flowers. I know it is fall and the flowers would all be dead anyway, but there weren’t even any dead scraggly flowers or even flower beds for that matter. Lotsa rocks. Mostly big rocks. Oooh, decorative!

Lots and lots of litter. That was interesting. Apparently, Calgary is one of the last places left in Canada where you can still experience the secret joy of throwing your Tim Horton’s cup out the car window.

By far, the weirdest thing about Calgary is that Calgarians absolutely LOVE Calgary. They go on about it’s fabulousness for hours.
Calgary is the best city on earth.
Calgary has the best hockey.
Calgary has the best football.
Calgary is the easiest city to learn your way around.
Calgary drivers are the best.
Calgary has the best zoo.
Calgary has the best lifestyle (does it?).

Calgarians never complain about their city like the rest of us do.

What else does Calgary love?

You know it; Stephen Harper.
They cannot get enough of the guy.
I heard about him and his greatness til I was writhing in pain and ready to scream. They actually worship him as some sort of Messiah. I was surprised there isn’t a new temple built in his honour. They lectured me for hours about how the Liberals try to make him look bad and trick us all into thinking he sucks, but Calgarians know better.

If only Harper could be made our king, then we’d all live happily ever after.

Stop Saying You Will Vote For This Man Because I Can’t Take It Anymore

In bitching, Canadian politics, Uncategorized on October 16, 2009 at 3:00 pm

CanadianConservativeParty1
Although I think that the most recent poll showing that the NeoCons hold 40% of the nation in the palm of their hand is wrong; I can’t help but stress about it because that’s what I was hoping the last 2 times this yahoo got elected.

Look, the guy is a great piano player and a great front man, but that doesn’t mean he should be running the country. I have had alot of experience in the music industry and I can tell you that the singer is usually the last guy that you want in charge of the gig money. Mick Jagger is the one and only exception to the rule and trust me when I say this, Stephen Harper is no Mick Jagger.

This country is being suckered! Look at his track record from just this week, he’s screwing us over completely and selling us out at the same time! Stop liking him and thinking he is cool! He isn’t! I don’t care if he let Rick Mercer have a sleepover at his house.

Steve-O says he never heard anything about the torture going on in Afghan prisons. Even though the information was given directly to him 4 years ago. Fine, maybe he just skimmed it and then no one really mentioned it again. That could be possible, sure he was probably distracted by the kids running amok or something. It happens. Torture is no big deal anyway, unless it’s you that is being tortured.

Here’s another piss off. Harper has decided that instead of pulling our troops out of Afghanistan in 2011, we’ll leave them there and just make it a civilian operation. Doesn’t that just sound like the cat’s ass? Maybe we can get Haliburton and Blackwater to help us out. Whatever happened to being cool and aloof when we get invited to these things?

A few years ago, Bush asked Harper if he could post a few soldiers in Fort MacMurray because it’s probably a target for those evildoers, and of course he said, “Sure!”. Luckily there’s no extra land in Fort Mac, so the American army has no place to pitch their tents.

Let’s not forget about the bribery and bullshit going on so blatantly, right here at home. The Conservatives have been handing out big fat tax money laden cheques to all their cronies. How come I only ever get that lousy hundred bucks a month? I don’t think I even got a GST check last time either. What the hell? Jerks.

Not only that, but the Harper government is under investigation by the ombudsman for patronage. Which for you newcomers, means that they have been handing out all the fancy jobs and government contracts to their nearest and dearest friends. Incidentally, they aren’t supposed to and if they do, they are supposed to make it look like they didn’t. Keep your backroom deals in the backroom please.

He’s trying to sign some stupid deal with America to sell them our resources (hydro and water), for some ridiculously low, set price that can never go up. We also have to keep supplying them even if we start to run out and don’t have enough for Canadians. Don’t forget that Buy American scam that Harper agreed to. As a result of that, Canadian companies like New Flyer and GM have had huge orders cancelled and employees are losing their jobs. So thanks.

Canada is down more than 57 billion dollars and it really looks like someone has run off with the take from the door.

Can’t Leave You Guys Alone For Even A Second

In bitching, Canadian politics on October 16, 2009 at 9:21 am

w-fed-vote-graph-cbc

Holy crap you guys!

I thought we went over this, here , here and here. What’s up with this new poll?

40% blue?!? Are you freakin’ serious? That can’t be right.

I’m sure it’s just because the more literate citizens of Canada have call display, so they weren’t counted in the poll. This is probably a poll of the idiots who answer calls from 1-800 numbers right around dinner time.

A Rose By Any Other Name

In bitching, Bullshit Winnipeg, Uncategorized on October 8, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Met10.8.09
Yes it was a sad thing when the Metropolitan Theater closed in ’89. End of an era.

Since that time, there have been at least 8 different plans to revitalize it and use it for something exciting. Some ideas were good, others not so good.

Nashville North (meh)
Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (interesting)
Performing Arts Center (made sense)
Currently the idea is to make it some kind of supper club. That of course, is completely silly.

The Met is a very nice building, of course. The interior was absolutely stunning. Red carpet, fancy chandelier and the whole bit. It even had some kind of crazy geo-thermal air conditioning. It has a really impressive history. It’s still a landmark, a Heritage Building and all the rest. It also totally REEKED!

If you’re old enough (like me) to have ever been inside it when it was a movie theater, then you know what I’m talking about. It had a weird stink that permeated everything. At first, you thought it must be your imagination and it would surely go away in a second, but no. You could smell it all the way up the stairs and to your seat, where you could still smell it. Your popcorn tasted like that smell. Your drink too. I think your clothes probably smelled that way after you left. I can smell it right now. That smell left a kind of smell memory imprint with you. In fact, when I even see a trailer for Moonraker, that smell comes flooding back to me. It’s horrible even now.

Nobody knows what it was. Nobody knows where it came from or what caused it. Everybody knows that it was always there.

I think that’s the real reason why Famous Players moved, they couldn’t stand it anymore. That’s probably why none of these plans work out. People get all excited about this original classic theater being available, they agree to buy it for cheap and then they get to work on it. After a few weeks or months it becomes apparent that the mystery smell is there to stay and they bail.

Center Venture is practically begging on its hands and knees for someone to do something with it. They can’t very well just rip the thing down, it’s too glittery and cool. I get it. It’s a bloody rare thing to have a turn of the century vaudeville theater like that in original condition. They promise giant tax breaks and even cash money, but the smell, who can battle it? It’s too overpowering.

Turning it into a supper club is the worst idea I’ve heard so far too. They’re going to serve food in there? To who? Us? How will anyone be able to eat?