Vinnie & Twy

Posts Tagged ‘Canadian politics’

It’s Not Rocket Science Just Mark Your X

In Canadian Federal Election 2011, Canadian politics, Uncategorized on April 14, 2011 at 10:29 am

Kids, kids, kids….

When they told you at school that voting was a privilege, a right and your duty. You know, the way to have your say in how this country is run. They were actually not joking. It wasn’t an exaggeration or some fancy newspeak way of tricking you.

It’s great that lots of you have paid enough attention to be worried about the state of Canada. It’s even more great that you guys have bothered to speak out all over this vast internet via facebook and youtube. A+. Excellent. Good job making viral videos and this nifty website called shitharperdid.com. Super pleased.

However; we have a serious problem. There is another movement going on that has gathered way too much steam. Boycott The Federal Election is a completely dumb idea (Dave, I mean you too even though you are totally NOT a kid anymore). Not voting because someone you have never met doesn’t think the way you do, is not going to be a very effective way of making them think your same kind of thoughts.

I will tell you a sneaky way to exchange ideas with other people that actually works. Try talking to them. Hell, it even works on people who are old and people who are rich. I’ve tried it many times and man is it ever cool. You can even use it on politicians.

Here are some general instructions:

Step 1. Using your GOOGLE machine, attempt to find the local contact info for a Canadian political party in your vicinity.

Step 2. If you happen to have a CELL PHONE or an ORDINARY PHONE, dial the number provided by GOOGLE. If someone answers the telephone, tell that person that you are interested in getting involved in politics and you would like to find out more about their party and what they stand for. Chances are that person will say GREAT!!! and proceed to start a conversation with you. If that conversation goes well, you might go to their geographical location to meet those people and see if you like them.

**helpful hint…if you go and meet those people and discover that you can’t stand them because they seem crazy; (and this can happen. Hey, it’s a risk you take whenever you put yourself out there) By all means, run away. Do not FREAK OUT. Simply repeat step 2.**

You should now be able to cast your ballot with confidence. Steps 3 – 5 are only for those who have extra time on their hands and/or feel that we could all benefit from their revolutionary ideas.

Step 3. Once you have discovered a group of people who seem somewhat reasonable to you, start hanging out with them. This will allow you the opportunity to spread your smart ideas and impress others with your wit and charm.

Step 4. Help out, get to know the candidates and then you will know who to vote for.

Step 5. If you still can’t bring yourself to vote for anyone, become a candidate yourself or if you get really desperate; start your own political party. That’s what Tommy Douglas did. How do you think we got The Green Party and The Pirate Party? No, it’s not easy, but it’s totally allowed.

As far as joining an existing party, shit, that’s super easy! They actually want you to! They will be all smiley and everything when you show up! They especially love it when smart young people show up at their office!

Put your money where your mouth is kids. Don’t leave politics to the losers and the wingnuts. If you care about how you live and how your neighbours live, go out and vote.

Never forget this; the wingnuts always vote and they always vote for other wingnuts.

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Wave Bye Bye To The Nice People

In Canadian politics on March 25, 2011 at 7:33 pm

We’ve all heard the news. Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s government has fallen.

5 years of absolute bullshit….

Contempt of Parliament. Historical and shocking. (maybe he’ll go to jail and he can play piano there…)

Vote of non confidence and they’re out.

It’s about time. and I LOVE that Fox News refered to Conservative MPs as “Harper’s underlings. Astounding.

Let’s go to the polls fuckers. Game on.

Could Not Stop The Blog

In bitching, Canadian politics on March 22, 2011 at 11:55 pm

So, Daddy called to tell me all about how Canadian Armed Forces are in Libya,
and I said “What?!?”

We never usually get involved in that kind thing. What the hell?

Of course!

Harper. That bastard.

Obviously sucking up to someone with a better resume than him somewhere in the free world (or otherwise).

…and then I read this

Turns out our kick-ass, unflappable, awe inspiring Canadian Air Force fighter pilots saw what looked like people on the ground and aborted their bombing run.

CA_NA_DA
That’s what I’m talkin’ about

Let’s get this election show on the road. It’s time we had a Prime Minister who understands this country and the greatness of the people who live in it.

No Virginia -part deux

In bitching, Bullshit Winnipeg, Canadian politics, Stupid Losers on November 21, 2010 at 3:17 pm

One of the more public disasters that occurred was an all candidates forum hosted by an NDP affiliated group called the Point Douglas Residents Committee.

First, let’s give you, the reader, a bit of background on this group. They have received some media attention over the past couple of years for their valiant attempts to wrest their neighbourhood from the grip of local criminal gangs. Including a very nice visit from the Governor General.

Point Douglas is known as one of the more neglected areas of Winnipeg. As such, lots of poverty and heartache up and down every street. I remember when I drove a school bus for Winnipeg 1, we had to bus all the kids to school regardless of the short walk due to all the available dangers.

In an effort to capitalize on the neverending drama of such a high crime neighbourhood, the NDP parachuted in agent provocateur, Sel Burrows. He started the Point Douglas Residents Committee and used it to set up a volunteer run anti-crime thingy called “Powerline”. The idea is that if you see a crime, or have a suspicious neighbour, you call one of the volunteers from the Powerline. Then that person calls the next person and so on and so forth until someone finally calls Sel Burrows. Then he makes a few calls of his own and eventually, the suspicious neighbour is evicted from their home and Point Douglas is saved.

We figured it would probably make sense for Jenny to at least meet this Sel Burrows. So she hopped in her shiny new Cadillac and went to pick Sel up at his house in Point Douglas. Sel, sporting a black eye (no doubt a result of some heroic Powerline activities) recommended a local restaurant and that’s where they went. As soon as they walked in, the owners smiled and said, “Jenny!”. During this coffee date, Sel told Jenny that he grew up in the affluent River Heights area and became heavily involved with the NDP during his University days and has been some kind of NDP operative ever since. Jenny told him that while it was very noble of him to be slumming in the Point, he should keep in mind that she had spent a good chunk of her childhood there and that she was not slumming because it was her hood. Anyway, at the end, Sel said “you’ll get no trouble from me”. And we didn’t.

By the time the civic election rolled around, the PDRC had an internal mutiny and Sel stepped down for whatever reason. As a result, the PDRC was under the control of several locals who all refer to themselves as chairs, co-chairs or directors of this organization. Messy.

In the summertime on one of the multitude of doorknocking adventures, Jenny happened to meet a woman Roanna Hepburn, who also claimed to be the chair of the PDRC. That day, Roanna was very friendly and said that she was so impressed with Jenny that she would do whatever it took to get her elected. Wow! Thanks! That’s so sweet!

After Jenny made her debut on live radio with Marty Gold, we ran into Roanna again at the Park Dedication ceremony at Norquay Community Centre. Roanna asked her about the comment Jenny had made on Marty’s show about Sam Katz winning her vote by default. Jenny and Roanna talked about this and shortly after, we received a written quote from Rowena to use along with a picture of the two of them together for our pink brochure. This doesn’t matter yet, but it will become important later on. (trust me)

The day that we sent the brochure to press, we received a panic phone call from Roanna. She apologized up and down, but said she was too scared to publicly endorse Jenny due the the NDP affiliation of her group, the PDRC. We assured her that we understood perfectly and stopped the presses. No hard feelings.

Back to our story.

Over the course of the summer of 2010, there were many rumours swirling around that the PDRC was planning a public debate of some kind. At one point a message was left at our office from someone named Chris at the PDRC. We mistakenly thought that it was a man named Chris DeSouza, who had been in to our office before and had told us that he had at one time been part of the PDRC. At any rate, I returned the call, but got a machine and left a message. I called back several times, but never did connect with anyone at that office, so around mid-September, we emailed them a request for an invitation to their event. When no one got back to us, we dropped it and made no further plans to attend.

Until…

On September 27th, there was an ad in the Winnipeg Free Press and we had gotten word that the event was to be some kind of staged attack on Jenny’s background and credibility. So quite naturally, we fired off an email to them expressing how insulted we were at not being invited to their so-called “All Candidate’s Forum”. (which I cc’d to all the press) Someone named Chris Mc Carville, director of the PDRC, then hit “reply all” and sent us back a nasty, all caps response assuring us and the media that they would inform the voters of Mynarski “exactly” why Jenny was “too scared” to be there.

We went and so did all the press.

A kind of hush fell over the room when we entered. Awkward.

Having not received an invitation to participate, Jenny sat in the audience with the team. Roanna came over and insisted that Jenny take a place at the head table next to Ross Eadie.

Since there were not enough microphones, everyone had to share. So when it was Ross’s turn, Jenny tried to assist him with showing him where the mic was. He is blind after all and Jenny is very nice. Ross pushed it away, and said he didn’t need it. Then he stood up and rather yelled instead. Much classier.

Ross carried on in this manner throughout the event, waving his arms about and spitting as he yelled passionately about voting for “JUDY WASYLYCIA_LEIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
and what have you. Even while he was quietly waiting to speak, Ross’s legs were going a mile a minute. Very fidgetey. He reminded me of “Crazy Legs” from SCTV.

Poor Jenny kept moving her chair further and further away from him so as not to get hit by Ross. All in all, this was a pretty hostile environment if you had to be Jenny. Luckily, the PDRC turned out to be a bunch of sissies and chickened out of discrediting or attacking for the most part.

Ms. Martin came over and introduced herself to me and my sister during this break. She said that she had just been assigned by her boss, Bartley Kives, to cover Mynarski Ward that very day and was not familiar with all the details and wondered if we would be free to meet with her in the next few days. Of course we agreed.

It got pretty boring, so most of the reporters went home at the intermission, leaving Melissa Martin of the Winnipeg Free Press as the lone reporter covering the second half of the forum. For awhile, it was so boring, that Jenny focused her efforts on trying to catch a tiny fly that kept buzzing around.

Eventually, it got exciting again. Ross Eadie, felt that it would be smart to stand up and interrupt another candidate very loudly. At that point, the moderator made several attempts to get Mr. Eadie to stop ‘talking’ and sit down. Mr.Eadie carried on at the top of his lungs about how difficult it was to find donors to mount his campaign and that he was receiving financial support from the NDP. At that point the moderator, mild mannered Rob Galston stormed out of the room. It was all too much.

I can tell you that I was not the only audience member who was both shocked and stunned. According to the election rules for the City of Winnipeg, receiving financial support from a political party is totally illegal. A public statement like that would surely spark an investigation with a lot of bad press and spell the demise of the Ross Eadie for Council campaign.

We raced home to tell the husbands all about our adventures and have a couple victory drinks. Cheers.

No Virginia; There Is No Santa Claus – part 1

In bitching, Bullshit Winnipeg, Canadian politics, Stupid Losers, Uncategorized on November 19, 2010 at 9:12 pm

As most of you already know, I was recently involved in running my sister Jenny’s campaign for public office. More specifically, for City Councillor of Mynarski Ward here in Winnipeg. For the most part it was a lot of fun. We were generously supported by so many people. We met local voters with interesting stories and we tried to be helpful whenever we could. We built a small but powerful team of volunteers and we can never do enough to thank them.

However, one or two things that happened may have changed my view of the Canadian political arena for good. For starters, I had been warned by Conservatives about something called “THE NDP MACHINE”. Oooh. Scary! They told us scandalous stories of their cheatey tactics and unscrupulous behaviour, but I took no heed. Everyone knows Conservatives are all liars anyway. I would never listen to what they had to say. So there.

My opinion of the NDP (up until now) had been based in part, on the epic story of Mr. Tommy Douglas and the good T.V news reputation of one Ed Broadbent. Besides, I have met some NDPers personally, and they were very nice to me. Polite and everything. Who in their right mind could accuse the sweet boyscout like NDP of anything other than being the good guys? Yeah sure, they are sometimes badly dressed and rarely seem to get decent haircuts, but some kind of evil “MACHINE”? Well, I guess there was that Svend Robinson incident. You know, the shoplifting. But, come on! That’s hardly a “MACHINE”. It’s only one guy!

This “NDP MACHINE” they speak of, perhaps it is not the actual “people”, but a mind control device operated by some nefarious super-villian who has infiltrated their ranks? Maybe. Seems likely. The Anti-Douglas?

Throughout the campaign we heard from voters who had felt they had been affected by the “NDP MACHINE” and voters who were being pressured by their unions to vote for the NDP. We met countless new immigrants who told us (some with tears in their eyes) that they had been forced to allow an NDP sign in their yard or there would be “trouble” from the government. (What? What kind of trouble?) Surely, this is pure speculation.

I know, that as a former union member myself, I received a few calls from unions and the Labour Council instructing me who to vote for, but who listens to what their union has to say in these modern times? Anyone?

One lady, who happens to be disabled, called us crying after a brick came flying through her living room window. Well, that is pretty mean. That could definitely be the work of a super-villian with a “MACHINE”. Sure. Like a potato gun, but for bricks.

When we got to her house, she was a puddley mess and she told us that the man who she saw throw the brick, had condemned her for having a “Jenny” sign in her front yard and yelled to her that he was a “personal friend” of Ross Eadie’s. Huh? Legbreaker tactics? No…that’s still only one guy. (well, we’re up to 2 at this point, possibly a few more, but still, doesn’t amount to a hill o’beans) Anyway, she wound up calling all the different candidates to ask for signs so that she couldn’t be accused of favouring any one over any other. Solved.

Let’s pretend that all of those people overreacted. Yes, let’s.

Also, unbelievable but true, was the situation we ran into with Canada Post. Since we had a limited number of bodies on our election team, we made the fateful decision to have our brochures delivered by Canada Post. Even though it was very expensive, we decided that it would be money well spent. We felt that this was the most efficient way to ensure that every household in the ward had an introduction to our candidate. Again, we were warned by certain members of the Conservative Party, that Canada Post was not to be trusted with political mail. They are part of the “MACHINE”!
Woooooo! The “NDP MACHINE”!

“Hogwash!” we said.

We mailed our leaflets and carried on with the business of electioneering, knocking on door after door in neighbourhood after neighbourhood.

We soon found that very few households had received our mailer. It seemed like entire areas had not had it delivered. Too many to ignore.

Odd. Geez. We mailed it…

On one such street, Redwood Avenue, we happened upon a mailman who we stopped. We showed him the bright pink mailer and asked him if he had seen it or remembered delivering it. He told us that he had seen it at the depot, but it had never made it to his mailbox and he had not delivered it. When we pressed him for more details, he told us that it was most likely delivered, but by another mailman “on a day when he was away sick”. Hmmm. Could it be that he was….(heee)….lying?

A while later, in another neighbourhood, Jenny asked another mailman if he had been the one to deliver the mail during the week that our mailer was scheduled to be delivered. He said that he had and in fact, had delivered the mail every single day that week. So, she showed him the pink brochure. The mailman abruptly changed his mind about having worked that week and decided that he had “been on holidays”.

Then a former Canada Post employee informed us that for the 25 years that she had been a sorter, it was always common practice to delay delivery of all non-NDP political mail. No! That can’t be true! Oh how naive we had been! Such blind faith!

She went on to describe to us how it was done. (I’ll save those details in case I am called to testify in court) She also told us that often, they would “accidentally” deliver political flyers to the wrong ridings. Or deliver them long after the election. Then she gently mocked us for thinking that our brochure would be delivered by Canada Post when we were running such an obviously non-NDP affiliated campaign. After all, Canada Post employees are all part of a very NDP friendly and powerful union.

“But it’s the Queen’s mail!

At that point we began to think that the evil Stephen Harper may have had good reason (for once) when he threatened to dismantle and privatize Canada Post. They do appear to be controlled by the “NDP MACHINE”. Perhaps Svend Robinson really is behind this so-called “MACHINE”, well, then you know, there’s no telling how far he’d go or what he’s really capable of. After all, he is a known shoplifter.

So, we thought about it for a bit, had a heated debate amongst the team and then we called the PMO to tell on them.

Surprisingly, we did get some action from that phone call. That action trickled right on down to the Canada Post outlet in Winnipeg on Mountain Avenue pretty quickly. Wow. Not bad.

When the post office did call us back, all they offered was a discount of $100.00 on our next mail out. Pfft. Lame.

Screw them, we sent Daddy. As expected, Daddy explained things to them very carefully and very loudly. He talked about the legalities and how much he wanted to call the RCMP and the probable loss of their jobs and possible jail time and everything else they could look forward to. Our next mailer was delivered to every single house in the whole ward and all on the same day. Nice.

Moral of the story, never send a Conservative Prime Minister to do the job of an angry father.

To be continued…

I Promise Not to Blog; I Promise Not to Blog; I Promise…

In Canadian politics, My Personal Problems, Uncategorized on October 26, 2010 at 9:32 am

This is so not fair!!!

This election campaign has been the most craziest and ridiculous in the history of the North End and I am smack dab in the middle of it fighting the good fight, and here I am not allowed to blog.

Dammit. This sucks!

I had so much cool inside info and have witnessed so many shocking things too! I could’ve been the one to scoop very important news and become a famous blogger and everything.

Here I am so jealous of Reed Solomon who is allowed to blog whenever he wants! Even though he chose to blog about Jenny in a somewhat meanish (but quite funny) way.

Out Of The Frying Pan

In bitching, Canadian politics, Uncategorized on February 12, 2010 at 12:25 am

baby come back...

Last week, I wrote the Harpergate blog and the thing is, every word in it is 100% true and accurate. I did not have to exaggerate one tiny bit, even though the list seems ludicrous. (All the red words are links to the sources). Worse is that there are many, many more examples of Harper’s bad behaviour. Like, I didn’t even get into the whole Copenhagen fiasco, and Chavez hadn’t given him what for yet. In fact, there are so many that I would’ve had to make it into more of a book if I were to get it all in.

So many more crazy incidents have been recorded since that fateful Harpergate blog, and it’s only been a week! Christ Almighty! How much more can we take??

Yesterday, I saw with my very own eyes, a video of a protest in Downtown Vancouver on the CBC. The video showed the usual signs and goretex jackets that Vancouverites are so famous for. Couple of bullhorns and about a dozen bored looking cops standing around. All in all, nothing too thrilling.

Yet somehow, Dimitri Soudas, the Conservative “spin doctor”, if he can even be called that considering most of what he writes is pure fiction, translated that scene into “Day Of Terror”.

Wow, that’s some imagination! He should go to Hollywood, I’m sure he can get work writing for the movies.

By the way, Daddy was in downtown Vancouver yesterday, so I asked him about the “Day of Terror” and he laughed his head off for about ten minutes. There you have it. “Day Of Terror”.

Is Harper that big of a sissy? A dozen city police and however many RCs he has in tow, and he couldn’t get out of the car? What a suck. My kid walked to school alone everyday, without police protection, knowing full well, that the neighborhood bully would be lying in wait to kick the shit out of him enroute. He was only ten, and he never once whined. He toughed it out til his mom found out and put a stop to it. Is that what Stevie boy is hoping for? His Mommy? We’ve never had a Prime Minister of Canada that was too chickenshit to go out and answer to his people. Will wonders never cease…

Today, I waited patiently for Harper to address the BC legislature because
A) rallies had been planned to greet him
and B) There had been some rumours about Harper possibly being questioned about federal matters.

I watched the sugary sweet monologue performed in its entirety. BLeeeCH

It wasn’t easy to take notes between gagging and giggling, but I did. Lucky thing too! Yikes!

Let’s combine one or two of the more memorable quotes from todays words of “wisdom” with another Harper quote from today’s news, shall we?

The speech to the BC legislature was peppered with “That Canada; Our Canada”. Included were some Dubya-like phrases that I thought he must’ve thrown in for quotability. “Necessary security” was one really weird thing he said.

“Creating the yesterdays we shall cherish tommorow”; barf “trying to touch a star for a brief shining moment” and barf.

Then he rattled off a list of unlikely patriots which included a variety of Canadians like security guards and police. I wrote this little gem down; “Our Armed Forces spread our gifts of democracy and freedom” abroad and in Afghanistan. Alotta talk about enforcement. Gotta say, I found it a bit odd considering he was supposedly talking about the Olympics and gold medals and whatnot.

I found it odd that is, until I read this story about France and the U.S. who are angry at Iran:
“Harper said Canada will support its allies on the issue.” Remember, Harper has referred to Iran as “evil” in the not so distant past.

What does that mean? Is he trying to act tough? I sure hope not. When weaklings start acting tough they always freak out and take it too far.

Can we please get this guy out of our office before it’s too late? Cuz it sure sounds like he’s up to something really stupid.

Let’s Get This Straight

In Canadian politics on February 8, 2010 at 9:54 pm

The Chavez government did not criticize Canada…..Peter Kent.(sharp emphasis on the “t”)

What he said was he won’t take any “lessons from an ultra-right government that closed its parliament to avoid an investigation”. I have no problem with that. Right on the money.

I think he alluded to the Conservative’s lack of give a shit when it comes to human rights. What’s wrong with that? Isn’t it true anymore? Seems pretty accurate from where I sit.

Oh, you think we all fell for that bit of bullshit Harper said about suddenly caring about “poor women and children”. Ha ha ha ha. Lol.

Newsflash, nobody bought that.

What else was there? Right, something about a government that lets it’s First Nations live in poverty. Ouch. Bet that stings, eh?

What I found most interesting is Mr. Kent chose the same scripted pre-approved statement to describe Chavez that Mr. Braid used last week to describe Ignatieff. “Mr. ______ is calling into question the conduct of the brave women and men in the Canadian forces”.

It’s nice that they could re-use that line and it didn’t have to go to waste.

I will say that Peter Kent had a much better delivery than Peter Braid. That’s his years of TV news experience coming in handy right there. That’s what that is.

What Chavez said yesterday was a direct slap in the face to the Conservative Government. ie; Mr. Harper and his lackeys. Not me and my friends, so I’m fine with it.

Besides, you can’t blame this on Chavez. Like the rest of civilization, he was used to Canada’s reputation as a nice place with a reasonable government. He’s just pissy about the Harpercons. I am too.

Welcome Back Khadr? Harper Says No Way

In Canadian politics on February 5, 2010 at 9:35 pm

there are lots of photos but i couldn't stand to look at them

I can’t believe that I actually have to write about this issue.

We have all heard the name Omar Khadr off and on for the last few years, but I wonder if many of us have connected all the dots in this story. Allow me to do that now.

Omar Khadr is a Canadian citizen. Really, that should be all we need to know about him, but there is more.

It shouldn’t matter which country or who did it. His rights have been violated, period. The supreme court of Canada ruled this week that his constitutional rights have been violated while he was in another country. That should mean Foreign Affairs will demand his instant return to Canada. End of story. If it were me or my kid, you’re goddam right I’d expect action. I’d be screaming my head off about it and so would you.

Under the Harper regime, nothing is that simple anymore, is it? All joking aside, Stephen Harper and his lapdog Dimitri Soudas are the biggest douchebags ever. AARRRGGGGG They both completely suck.

Just so you don’t all jump down my throat at once, I include Dimitri Soudas because he is the official spokesman, and when I saw him on the news regarding this issue I just wanted to slap him so badly. Mr. Soudas repeatedly said that the government will not ask that Mr. Khadr be returned because blah blah blah blah blabbidy blah. And so forth.

Let’s clear up a few things here, shall we?

Omar Khadr was fifteen years old at that time. A kid.

He is charged with murder as a war crime and terrorism. Let’s entertain that possibility for a second. If this happened in Canada, he would be protected by the young offenders act. What’s that mean? Well, for one thing he would have been in and out of a youth detention center in two shakes of a lambs tail.

During a raid by the American Army, Omar Khadr had a house fall on top of him, got stepped on by the American GI who found him, he was blinded and then shot twice in the back. That is the summary of his “capture”. He arrived in at Guantanamo Bay in critical condition. They hung him by his wrists anyway. Then they shone LCD lights in his eyes for awhile. That my friends, is the tip of the iceberg, there’s a whole lot more, I just can’t bear to get into it.

Reporters have been calling it torture. Where I come from, we sometimes call that child abuse.

The poor guy has been there for seven years. He’s a grown up now. He’s also the last westerner left there. Everyone else has been brought home by their countries. I have little doubt that he is right fucked by this time and will never be alright. He’ll need years of therapy at the very least. His lawsuit asks for ten million. I should hope so! It should come out of Harper’s personal bank account if you ask me.

Incidentally, guess who the Supreme Court of Canada says violated his constitutional rights? A Canadian government official. Proud to be Canadian now?

Little Miss Helpful; Yes That’s Me

In Canadian politics, Uncategorized on February 4, 2010 at 7:20 pm

The Conservative Reform Alliance Party, as many Canadians already knew (and a lot more are finding out), is jammed with inexperienced and/or younger members. Many (not all mind you, but close) Conservative MPs arrived in Ottawa in the back of a turnip truck, so they cannot be expected to answer questions because they are too scared to stray from the script. These guys have not got a hot clue between them as to what they should be doing right now. Every time they go to the press with these bullshit pre-approved statements, they come off looking like absolute morons. It doesn’t work for telephone solicitors and it isn’t working for them.

It’s sad. I know. (Can I get an Awww…?)

Kind hearted Canadian that I am, I am willing to do them all a big fat favor. Whether or not anyone else is willing to take pity on them, I feel compelled to educate them on what will work for them and what will not.

When the leader of your party, be he Prime Minister or be he some other douche, takes a nose dive like Mr. Harper has done in recent months, you really need to think twice about your allegiance to him if you want to hold on to your own political career. Nobody wants to be a rat, but the Conservative MPs should start making plans to abandon the sinking ship. This is not rocket science.

Right now, today, the Conservatives should go to their own homes and find a quiet place to think. They absolutely must try to see the big picture here. Harper is desperate. It’s become so horribly obvious. All of the ridiculous statements he has been coming up with are only making things worse.

When they get home, here are the questions they need to ask themselves;

1. Can it even be possible that I agree with any of these garbagey one liners?
2. Do I seriously think that I am fooling anyone?
3. Am I really still afraid of Harper?
4. Do I think he can recover from this huge ugly mess?
5. What would happen if I publicly disagreed with him?
6. Why am I so afraid of Harper?
7. Do I ever want to hold public office again?
8. If I continue on this path, will I be left with any self-respect whatsoever?
9. Is it a good idea to be out looking for a job in this economy?

In stressful times like these, it’s not always easy to think clearly, so for the greater good, I will provide the answers to these tough questions. Besides, some just don’t do well under pressure at the best of times. For example, a lot of people have a hard time with formal testing, but that doesn’t always mean they are not smart. Regardless, they should still be able to follow these easy to read instructions.

1. The answer is no. It is completely impossible for anyone with more than a grade 4 education to buy into this load of shit that Harper is trying to sell.
2. Again, no. While you may hope that you are fooling people, deep down you know the truth.
3. Yes. You really are terrified of this man.
4. At this point, any thought of Harper’s recovery is pure fantasy.
5. If you did come out publicly against Harper, or even simply answered a question for real, you would gain some small amount of instant respect.
6. You are afraid because you think he is your boss. Don’t worry about that so much. You were elected to represent your constituents. You might think about starting to do that a bit.
7. Well, do you? If you do want to, will you deserve to after Harper is thrown out of office?
8. Nope.
9. It is a pretty bad time to be looking for work. EI and/or welfare will not leave you with much pocket money.

The wave of popularity that grew out of the National Arts Gala performance is over. That time will not come again. Give.It.Up.

Sometimes, when a leader loses the trust of the people and of the party, the party will find a new leader. You guys could maybe try that. It has worked in the past. Like I’m just saying, it’s definitely something to think about. Can’t hurt. What have you got to lose anyway?

If this saves some of your careers, then hey, you’re very welcome. Anytime.